So Your Kid is Interested in Hockey, What Next?
It can be an exciting time for you as a parent, especially growing up in Canada where hockey is religion. But how do you approach this situation without overwhelming your kids? It’s a fine line that many parents have to walk. You want to support your child in being passionate about hockey while also allowing them the freedom to discover their own way. If you’re struggling with how to be the right type of hockey parent, here’s a list of some do’s and don’ts that will help you and your child.
Do Let Your Child Decide For Themselves
This is probably the single most important thing you can do as a parent. No matter how much you love hockey and are passionate about it yourself, we have to keep in mind that our children are completely different people. What appeals to us might not appeal to them. Be supportive and understand if your child takes some time to warm up to the game. Most of all, if hockey isn’t the sport for them you need to accept that, rather than force them into doing something they don’t enjoy. Just remember that we didn’t enjoy everything our parents did, so why wouldn’t it be the same for our children and us. Let your children make the decision to love, or not love, hockey.
Do Support Them Without Going Overboard (or Over the Boards)
We laugh at videos of hockey parents who are out of control but it’s a reality for some people. It’s definitely a sign of how seriously we take hockey in Canada, whether it is the NHL or our own minor hockey leagues. But don’t be that parent that yells at refs, coaches, or even the other parents. It’s embarrassing for everyone involved and especially your child. If there is anything that would make them not want to play again, it’s being embarrassed by their parents in front of their teammates. Keep your emotions in check and remember that being at the rink is for your kids and not you. Cheer when they succeed and pick them up when they have failures. It’s all we can do as parents.
Do Listen to Your Child After the Game
If you have an opinion on how your child could have played better, guess what: they don’t want to hear about it. So next time, instead of examining every little play they made, why not listen to your child about what they felt during the game. Take the car ride home or post-game lunch to listen to what their thoughts were on how they played. At the end of the day, we have to remember that children don’t necessarily care about winning or losing as much as we do. In their mind, they had fun playing hockey with their friends, and that’s all that should matter. If you want your child to stay passionate about hockey, skip the post-game lectures and take a moment to listen to what they have to say.
Don’t Just Drop Them Off at the Rink
Really? You’re going to drive all the way to the rink and not watch them play? Dropping your child off and not staying to watch can send the wrong message to them and will can leave a negative association with playing hockey. If you want your child to stay invested in hockey, then you are going to have to dedicate just as much time as they are. Show them that you are in this together. Trust me when I say that just being at the rink with them will help them enjoy it so much more.
Don’t Compare Them to Other Players
This is a big one. Parents generally have two forms of motivation: they over criticize or over compliment. The most common way that most parents do this is to compare them to other players in either a positive or negative light. Newsflash guys, our kids do not want to hear how good another player on the team is. They also don’t want to hear how much better you think they are than everyone else. Remember that their teammates are their friends so putting any of them down is just not a supportive way of parenting, even if you are over complimenting your own child.
Don’t Force Them to Keep Playing
This goes hand in hand with the first Do: the choice to love hockey isn’t yours to make. So if your child has made the decision that hockey just isn’t for them, then don’t try and force them to change their mind. Like I said: there’s going to be plenty of things you like that your children do not like and hockey might just be one of them. If you try to force them to keep playing, you are opening the door for a lot of resentment from them later on. Plus, it’s a waste of time and money if your child is not enjoying themselves. The sooner you come to terms that your child might not be as passionate about hockey as you are, the faster they’ll be able to find something they are passionate about.
Supporting Your Children in Hockey
Parenting is hard, we know. But the natural reaction to being forced to like something is to push away. If you want to support your child in being passionate about hockey, then it starts with showing up at the rink and listening to how they feel. Everyone who loves hockey wants their children to love hockey, especially in Canada. The best way to get your child to love the game is to be a loving, supportive parent more than being a coach, a scout, or an agent for them.
